Blondes are the best

Self Explanatory –


A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, ‘Can you tell me how

long it’ll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?’

The agent replies, ‘Just a minute.’

‘Thank you,’ the blonde says  – and hangs up.



One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister’s house for the traditional feast.

Knowing how gullible my sister is my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store.

When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and  re-stuffed the turkey.

She then placed the bird’s back in the oven.

When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing.

When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and
pulled out the little bird.

With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, “Patricia, you’ve cooked a pregnant bird!”

At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry.

It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!

Yep,              SHE’S BLONDE!



This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off to work she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint.

He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy parka and a leather jacket at the same time.

He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes.

He asks what she is doing and she replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb, and she wanted to do it by
painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She replied that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said . . .

You’ll love this . .



I went into my proctologist’s office for my first rectal exam.

His new blond nurse, Evelyn, took me to an examining room and told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see me. She said
that he would only be a few minutes.
After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down, while waiting, I
observed that there were three items on a stand.
Next to the exam table:
A Tube of K-Y jelly,
A rubber glove
And a beer .

When the doctor finally came in I said, “Look Doc, I’m a little confused. This is my first exam, I know what the K-Y is for and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?

At that Doctor Paul became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the
He flung the door open and yelled to his new nurse .. . . . . .

Darn it Evelyn !!!              I said a BUTT LIGHT ”


A  married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The very  blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said “How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here!” and hung up.
The husband said, “Who  was that?”
The  wife answered, “I don’t know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.”
Two  blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and  leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, “Hmm,  this person looks familiar.”
The second blonde says, “Here, let me  see!” So the first blonde hands her
the compact.
The second one looks  in the mirror and says, “You dummy, it’s me!”
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well,  the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as  she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her  head.
The boyfriend yells, “No, honey, don’t do it!!!”
The  blonde replies, “Shut up, you’re next!”
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, “Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them.”
A  friend says, “OK, what’s the capital of Wisconsin?”
The blonde replies,  “Oh, that’s easy: W.”
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
“Is it mine?”
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question then  finally said, “That was the decision George
Washington had to make before he  crossed the Delaware”