A policeman stopped a senior citizen and said “did you notice that you were peeding?”
She got away from getting the speeding ticket when she replied…
“Certainly. I have to get there before I forget where I was going”.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN’T LOOK THAT OLD.
WELL . . . YOU’LL LOVE THIS ONE.
MY NAME IS ALICE , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.
I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.
COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK WHEN?
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.
THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.
AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL.
‘YES. YES, I DID. I’M A MUSTANG,’ HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?’ I ASKED.
HE ANSWERED, ‘IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?’
YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!’, I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.
THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, BALD, WRINKLED FACED, FAT-BUTTED, GRAY-HAIRED, DECREPIT, SON-OF-A-GUN, ASKED,
‘WHAT DID YOU TEACH???
Harold was an old man. He was sick and in the hospital.
There was one young nurse that just drove him crazy.
Every time she came in, she would talk to him like he was a little child. She would say in a patronizing tone of voice, “And how are we doing this morning”, or “Are we ready for a bath”, or “Are we hungry?”
One day, at breakfast, Old Harold took the apple juice off the tray and put it in his bed side stand.
Next, he was given a urine bottle to fill for testing.
So, you know where the juice went! The nurse came in a little later, picked up the urine bottle and looked at it. “My, it seems we are a little cloudy today “
At this, Old Harold snatched the bottle out of her hand, popped off the top, and drank it down, saying, “Well, I’ll run it through again. Maybe I can filter it better this time.”
The nurse fainted! Old Harold just smiled!
DON’T MESS WITH OLD PEOPLE!!!!
At 85 years of age, Roger married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old.
Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock’ on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Roger, her 85
year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it’s Roger, Again he is ready for more ‘action’. Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more
coupling. When the newly weds are done, Roger kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it – Roger Is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more ‘action’.. And, once more they enjoy each other.
But as Roger gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, ‘I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys
less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Roger.’
Roger, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: ‘You mean I was here already?’
The moral of the story: Don’t be afraid of getting old; Alzheimer’s has its advantages.