What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?



What do you call a smart blonde?

A  golden retriever.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

“Are  you sure it’s mine?”

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West
Virginia ?

Everyone has the same DNA.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blond baby?

They named him “Sum Ting Wong”.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?

They’re hiring.

What’s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along
with… “a recipe”.

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?

Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

A northern fairytale begins “Once upon a time …”
A southern fairytale begins “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this s**t….

Why is there no Disneyland in China?

No one’s tall enough to go on the good rides

As You Slide Down The Banister Of Life, Remember………
1. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
2. The difference between the Pope and your boss…the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
3. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.
4. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you’re in the bathroom.
5. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there’s shipping and handling, too.
6. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
7 My next house will have no kitchen – just vending machines and a large trash can.
8. A blonde said, “I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he                                            told me all I needed was turn signal fluid.” 9. My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on        a piece of paper.  I told him rabies could be treated, and he didn’t have to worry about a Will. He said,   “Will? What Will? I’m making a list of the people I want to bite.”
10. As we slide down the banister of life, may the  splinters never point the wrong way.


A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States . He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, “Thank you Mr. American for letting me into this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and a free education!”

The passerby says, “You are mistaken, I am a Mexican.”

The man goes on and encounters another passerby. “Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America .”

The person says, “I not American, I Vietnamese.”

The new arrival walks farther, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand, and says, “Thank you for wonderful America !”

That person puts up his hand and says, “I am from Middle East. I am not American.”

He finally sees a nice lady and asks, “Are you an American?”

She says, “No, I am from Africa .”

Puzzled, he asks her, “Where are all the Americans?”

The African lady checks her watch and says, “Probably at work.”